Carolyn Hax: Star Student's College Dreams and Family Influence (2026)

A family's dilemma: Should a bright future be sacrificed for past trauma?

A letter writer is facing a challenging decision regarding their daughter's college applications, as they recently received a concerning request from the grandparents. The grandparents, troubled by their own family history, have asked the letter writer to remove certain prestigious colleges from the daughter's list of dream schools. The reason? They believe these colleges might trigger a repeat of the past, where the writer's sister, despite her academic excellence, faced a devastating mental health crisis after getting into highly selective colleges.

The sister's story is a cautionary tale. She was accepted into three top-tier institutions, but her mental health deteriorated, and she never fully recovered. She completed her college education while living at home and still resides with her parents, grappling with ongoing struggles.

But here's where it gets controversial: Is it fair to let past trauma dictate the future? Should the daughter's aspirations be limited due to her aunt's experience? This is a delicate balance between protecting loved ones and allowing them to pursue their dreams.

The letter writer is now caught between honoring the grandparents' wishes and supporting their daughter's ambitions. It's a complex situation, especially when considering the potential impact on the daughter's future.

And this is the part most people miss: Mental health struggles can affect anyone, regardless of academic prowess. The sister's experience is a powerful reminder of the importance of support and awareness. But should it be a reason to limit opportunities?

What do you think? Is it wise to let past experiences guide future decisions, or should the daughter be encouraged to forge her own path? Share your thoughts in the comments, and let's explore this nuanced topic together.

Carolyn Hax: Star Student's College Dreams and Family Influence (2026)

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